February 27, 2022
So I recently got interviewed by a podcast. It was... interesting. I will admit it was sort of fun to have my Warholian 15 minutes of fame. Everybody likes an ego boost after all. I haven't actually listened to it yet. I'm guessing I will at some point. But I already know I'm not super fond of the sound of my own voice. What if it's a George Constanza risk-management-book-on-tape situation:
Or maybe I'm just worried how it got edited in the end. Did that one (several) dumb thing(s) I said make the final cut? I did not follow Mr. Tony Kornheiser's lead and decline the interview out of fear of how I would be edited. I'm not quite as neurotic as he is though - at least I hope I am - the anxious self reflection does not bode well on that front. So live and let live, I guess. Also, was I really me in the interview? In retrospect, I was certainly a more heightened, performative version of myself, trying to impress people I do not know.
Oh, if you're reading this because you heard me on the Meet the Littles podcast, LaCheeserie! Although it seems I've torpedoed my internet anonymity and can no longer say anything I want without repercussion. It's for the best. Thanks for joining my tens of readers. I did have a stretch where a few posts got triple digit hits largely thanks to being boosted by my good personal friend (not really) and Sunday Morning Iron Man, David Pogue.
To address the paperclip: First, I find it aesthetically pleasing. Second, I work with electronics sometimes and occasionally I'll need a conducting wire to jumper two pins or components to make an electrical connection. Paper clips are remarkably handy for that. If I had been on my toes, I would have immediately recalled the correct answer given by Donnie Darko:
But I'll stand by the humble paperclip. It's a perfectly cromulent choice.
To quickly run down how this works, I ramble through an often overlook introduction, which are you currently reading, and then move on to provide The CBS SUNDAY MORNING POWER RANKINGS as relayed to me by the committee.
(Because it always makes the joke funnier, treating CBS's Sunday Morning, probably my favorite show on television, like a guest appearing on a sports shouting show is highly dissonant from the broadcast's gentle and dignified nature equals comedy. But really it just gives me an excuse to write about stuff on a semi-regular basis.)
I am trying to shorten these to take less than four hours to write and (loosely) edit. While I have fun pursuing this as a hobby, it pays nothing and it is fooling to have it interfere with real life and/or keep me from pursuing other interests. Also, I've fallen two episodes behind, so I need some way of catching back up. In the words of Commander Jerjerrod:
So introduction... done. Stay tuned for future intros which will hopefully include my Winter Olympics power rankings and the oft delayed CBS SUNDAY MORNING POWER RANKINGS 2021 AWARDS SPECIAL.
The CBS SUNDAY MORNING POWER RANKINGS
1) Lee Cowan
In the absence of a segment that truly rises to the top like la crème de la crème, anyone who pulls host/segment double duty is given preferential consideration for the top spot in the rankings. Lee hosted this week so he takes the top spot, but we'll reserve commentary on the invasion of Ukraine when we get to the rest of Lee's colleagues who contributed.
I like sweets. In a pinch, or when I'm feeling nostalgic, candy will do. But given my druthers, I'd take a baked good of some sort, cookies, cake, pie, or pastry. If you are familiar with The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse, I am the mole.
I never been to New Orleans before so I have never had a beignets or king cake before. I have yet to live a full life.
Like Melissa Mollet, I am a fan of the snow to the point that I have threatened on more than one occasion to retire to Canada. (I think Chuck Bell is just in it for the chaos because that's how weathermen get screen time.) I can't even hold the fact that I just injured my back clearing my driveway of snow and ice against it. (No Sheehan boys for me.) The point of this digression is that I'm not sure how I'd do in New Orleans. I'm obviously not suited oppressively hot and humid weather. You'd think that good food, good music, and a 50-50 shot of running into the Cajun (or at least T-boy) would more than compensate. But, alas, I'm not a fan of crowded spaces. I don't like going to a party where I don't know anyone, which is the sort of the way I envision New Orleans.
So I get to miss out on all the fun and music and delicious food and cakes. Maybe someday, I'll have a good reason to visit and find myself unable to leave. Until then, may the New Orleans Pelican's King Cake Baby mascot haunt your dreams.
The haters will be furious when they see this: NOLA loves King Cake Baby ❤️👶 https://t.co/yreJFu6FG0
— King Cake Baby (@KingCakeBaby) February 26, 2022
3) Holly Williams, Mo Rocca, Margaret Brennan (tie)
A quartet of segments bring us the story of Ukraine and Russia in modern and historical context.
Holly Williams reports from the front lines. Usually, I'd make some comment about her accent, but it seems more appropriate when she's interviewing Penelope Cruz than when she's dodging bombs and bullets. Stay safe.
Mo Rocca gives a six minute history of Ukraine, thoroughly debunking Putin's claim that Ukraine is a historical part of Russian or the myth that Ukrainian's want to be part of Russia when in fact they have been an unwilling vassal state for the past couple centuries.
Margaret Brennan delves into the resolve of the NATO alliance to push back against Putin's naked aggression.
Finally #1 stunner Lee Cowan provides a 4 minute bio that "goes inside the mind of Vladimir Putin."
Am I supposed to say something intelligent about the war here? Here's an unsorted cornucopia of thoughts:
- After 9/11 and climate change, I think this is the most existentially scary thing I remember living through.
- I knew someone in college who took a class about modern Russia. The instructor apparently "loved" Putin. Not physically attracted to him per se (not 100% ruling it out though) but just found him fascinating as a figure. I guess there's charisma there. I suppose there has to be for someone to rise from obscurity to rule a country and enrich yourself by personally robbing its wealth to the tune of $200 billion dollars. Surely, a role model for narcissists and megalomaniacs (redundant, I suppose) everywhere.
- The idea the Putin is lashing out because he has isolated and insulated himself from the reality and is going all Howard Hughes is, somehow, not comforting.
- I don't know the best (or even a good) way for me, or anyone else as an individual to help people in Ukraine, but if you know a way to help, please do, and pass it along to the rest of us.
- Ukrainian refugees are fleeing the humanitarian crisis into Poland, Moldova, Slovakia, Romania, and (maybe) Hungary. I understand it's a little different when it's your neighbor, but the welcome is a little warmer than it was for Syrians, Yemenis, Afghans, or sub-Saharan Africans. Hate to be a Debbie Downer, but just because things got bad fast in Ukraine doesn't mean it got better elsewhere.
- Excitement is probably the wrong word because it generally caries a positive connotation, but the opening days of a war carry a certain jolt of adrenaline that can trick you into thinking everything will be decided in the next few days or weeks. Read up on the First Battle of Bull Run. Or just remember back a couple years to the US wars in Iraq or Afghanistan or Russia's war in Afghanistan. The assumption of a quick and decisive outcome is a trick of the mind. One that Putin seems to have fallen for for some reason.
- How much can Ukraine and the Western alliance really hurt Putin to make him end this madness?
- Will the war still be going on 1, 2, 3, or 4 years from now? If so, how long does it stay in the headlines?
- Does the war stay contained to just Ukraine?
- I can't see Putin openly attacking NATO allied former Soviet states, but if he gets turned back in Ukraine and decides he needs a win, does he go after less western attached former Soviet states? Georgia, perhaps?
- Ukrainians are certainly suffering and dying. And so are many Russians, for many of whom, this is not a war of their choice. Or at least so says my new favorite tennis player Andrey Rublev.
- If there's a way for me to help, I'll try to find it. But for now, feeling generally impotent, I simply pray for the safety fighting for their homes, those caught in the crossfire, and those being unwilling led to war by a dictator.
4) Rita Braver
For the second straight week, Rita gets the art beat and once again an African American artist, possibly with a tacit nod toward Black History Month. It's a good that artist Shirley Woodson get some recognition while she is still alive and painting at the robust age of 85. Even though people rarely acknowledge to be in it for the fame and glory, it must sting at least a little bit for worthy work to go unrecognized. From the segment:
Woodson has won numerous local and national awards, yet she believes that recognition has come slowly to her, as well as to other women artists of color.
"Do you think it's been discrimination, in a way?" asked Braver.
"Of course."
It's hard to convey the way Shirley said, "Of course." What goes unsaid, but is implied, is the phrase, "Isn't it obvious?" The interview is too respectful for there to be a shrug and eye-roll accompanying it, but they are contained within those two words. Rita gets it though. She just needs the question and response for the segment.
As for Shirley Woodson's work:
I'm not an art critic and I often lament that I fail to visit local art museums and gallery's to which I have access so that I can learn to appreciate art in person and not just through a screen. Sunday Morning art segments are always among my favorites because the work featured often does evoke a response even though I know I'm not experiencing the work in the way it was intended. When I saw Ms. Woodson's work, my first reaction to the bright paintings with the bold strokes was, "I could do that." Upon closer inspection I quickly realized that no, I could not do that. To make something look primitive and shambolic when in fact it is meticulously crafted requires great skill, I'm sure.
There's a shot in the segment where Shirley is working on a painting, contemplates it for a few moments, and then adds a bright stroke of red paint to the pieces. I would be far too timid to try something so bold. You know, if I had any art skills.
5) Seals (and owl) of Massachusetts, Dr. Paul Farmer, Procol Harum (tie)
Because of the appearance of a single snow owl, the segment qualifies for sponsorship from Florida Audubon.
I was saddened to hear of the passing of Dr. Paul Farmer, founder of Partner's in Health. I first became aware his work when I was looking for a way to support Haiti after the 2010 earthquake. Régine Chassagne of Arcade Fire, who's parents moved to Montreal from Haiti, suggested the foundation as the best place to direct donations in the aftermath of the quake that killed at least 100,000 people. Donating to international charities is made to seem fraught with peril these days with numerous exposés floating around that highlight misdirected/misappropriated funds, local gangs or warlords essentially taking control of any donated goods preventing them from reaching those who need it most, donated items being completely useless for their intended destination or some combination thereof. I hope that Dr. Farmer's passing raises the profile of PIH a bit so that they can continue the good work he started for a long time to come.
Gary Brooker, the lead singer for Procol Harum also passed away. I don't think more than a month has every passed without Tony Kornheiser referencing "A Whiter Shade Of Pale" or it's connection to The Canterbury Tales on his radio show/podcast. For what it's worth, back during the goddess era of the show (link redacted in the interest of public decency), I had a germ of an idea for jingle with the title "A Redder Shade Of Orange". If anyone wants take a crack at it, be my guest, but alas, the heyday of the Tony Kornheiser Show jingle came during later days of the radio show, essentially killed by the move to the podcast and Courtney stopped appearing the last few years of the radio show.
Another sixth place for Teichner?
Is the committee's admiration for Martha somehow on the wane? I certainly hope not. I think we just got Ukrained out earlier in show, so trying to add a dollop of racial reckoning on top was just a bridge too far.
Call it white fragility if you want. I can't argue against it, but sometimes we can't worry about all issues at once and I want my food porn uncomplicated. Molly Knight wrote an excellent short essay which touched on what we do to cope with the overwhelming.
So I'm not saying Martha's segment wasn't excellent as always, or that we should stop trying to address race in America until after Ukrainians are free to live peaceful lives. I'm just saying the segment did not provide the warm and fuzzy feeling I was hoping for and sort of needed. If you need some of that, might I suggest time traveling back in time to 2017 and revisiting Martha's tour of Irish cuisine, where foot and accent porn unite.
7) David Martin
Even without his knives, I think Ric Prado could Jim Cantore in a fight:
Cantore (left) might have slightly bigger muscles, but don't mess with Ric Prado (right).
If any real life figure can say, "You want me on that wall. You need me on that wall," and make me believe it, it's Ric Prado.
Ric Prado is a Cuban refugee. Having come of age just after the collapse of the Soviet Union, I truly worried about things like nuclear war or the communist bogeyman the previous generations had to. Which is to say I'm not exactly aligned with Ric Prado on all things. Like the contras being mostly good, god fearing farmers, who were fighting against a repressive socialist government. Atrocities were only carried out by a few bad apples, apparently. He also wanted to fight in Vietnam. It doesn't an armchair psychologist to figure out that Ric would fight communism anywhere, anytime because of Castro. To be certain, the US government has propped up some repressive dictatorships of our own. We're a beacon of democracy until other democracies elect socialists or other "unsavory types."
I may not agree with the totality of Ric Prado's' career, which he'll acknowledge because Martin brings it up pretty directly, but I strangely uncomfortably comfortable know people like that guy are out there making tough calls so I don't have to and can just focus on this blog. I want him on that wall.
As for our missed opportunity to assassinate Osama bin Laden in Sudan in the 1980s, that's a sort of "If you could go back in time and kill Hitler" question. Don't get me wrong, bin Laden was already a bad guy in the 80's, so it's not like it would have been like taking out a young kid who hadn't done anything yet, but it's a moral/ethical gray area. As David Martin points out, "Obviously if bin Laden had been taken off the landscape, a lot of history would have been very different. But the CIA can't just go around the world kidnapping every fledgling terrorist."
Prado, to his credit responds, "No, they can't." I think you could have a reasonable conversation about what is in and out of bounds with Prado when it comes to these moral gray areas. I'm guessing you won't convince him he's wrong, though.
8) Tracy Smith
Tracy Smith has recovered from the Bengal's heartbreaking Super Bowl loss to interview Tears for Fears last week and Ryan Reynolds this week.
I'm not a female, so while I'll concede that Ryan Reynolds is dreamy, I was unaware of he had a "sensitive guy" reputation. I am basically only familiar with the three epochs of Ryan Reynolds.
Epoch 1: Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place
Epoch 2: Van Wilder
Epoch 3: Deadpool
Thus, through all ages, Ryan Reynolds has been a superficially superficial sarcastic slacker with a heart of gold. Anyone who says differently is a liar.
Also, up with Wrexham! North Wales can't be the easiest place to attract football talent. But fear not Dragons fans, I'm sure they'll soon join their southern countrymen in Cardiff, Swansea, and Newport County in the Football League soon. Wales. Official motto: If it's good enough for Keri Russell, it's good enough for me.
Remember the Scott's Tots episode of The Office? It was one of the more painfully cringy episodes, but there was always an unspoken contract that the show was going to mine for humor in the borderlands of cringe comedy.
Anyway, a wealthy businessman who can actually afford it is paying the college tuition for all students at five Chicago high schools in his effort to "redress inequities in a young person's access to higher education."
'Tis a noble cause, but how many students have access to a billionaire? I'm hopping on a Malcolm Gladwell soapbox here, but there are schools out there with tens of billions in endowments who could afford to cover tuition of all students decades without running out of cash. While college is one way to try and turn around the iniquities inherent in generational wealth passed down, most of these iniquities started when land and housing ownership was denied to minority groups. Jumping to another soapbox, it would help if we had a health care system that didn't threaten to wipe away said generational wealth with one fail swoop because a distressing number of people rely on GoFundMe to cover medical bills.
Anyway, if you are a new reader, now you are aware of my politics. I swear, I try not to go into it that often.
10) John Dickerson
John Dickerson, AKA America's Dad, who while were super happy has found a home on Sunday Morning, we all slightly miss him as The Nation Face, give a brief historical rundown of presidential responses to hostile foreign aggression. Whether the prerogative is to a united front (Truman) or encourage healthy debate and discourse (Teddy), John gently points out that it's probably not a good idea for us to praise the bad man in the hopes of scoring points over your political rival. Don't that that Putin isn't airing clips of that in Russia. The sad thing is that people here are more likely to buy into it than Russians are, whom I envision as a country populated by Old Benjamins.
How else could you get through the day?
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In case you like your debates a little more heated (I personally don't) you can check out the end of last Sunday's Meet the Press. Chuck Todd moderated(?) a round table discussion wherein Andrea Mitchell and Danielle Pletka almost seemed ready to throw down over the idea that Trump and his cronies' sycophancy towards Putin would have somehow prevented the invasion of Ukraine.
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