July 25, 2021
I watched CBS Sunday Morning per usual on Sunday, but I must admit I was distracted by the Olympics. I did not foresee this distraction when looking ahead to my next couple weeks and what I hoped to accomplish, but I suppose I should of.
For all the the talk of the delta variant and COVID cases rising again worldwide, for all the tennis players who decided not to play, for all the corruption of the IOC, for all the countries that have lost billions of dollars by winning the poison chalice that is the prize of hosting the games, for all the authoritarian governments that will host in the future to sportswash their image as the rest of the world wises up to the con (don't invest public money in the Olympics or sports stadia in general), it took about 10 minutes for me to be completely and utterly hooked.
Give me all the obscure sports that I can only see once every four years. Give me handball. Give me table tennis. Give me badminton. I'll even take archery or skeet shooting. I need only minutes to develop a rooting interest. Give me volleyball (traditional, not beach). Give me (women's) soccer. Give me field hockey. Give me men and women running distances both short and long and speeds that boggle the mind. Give me flying projectiles. Give me Katie Ledecky. Give me walk off dingers in softball. And yes, give me tennis.
I'm actually more of a Winter Olympics kind of guy. Growing up, I would rollerblade around my basement pretending I was a speed skater (never short track). I used to rollerblade down the driveway with wiffle bats as poles and pretend I was a downhill skier. Nobody who saw Cool Runnings didn't think they could bobsled.
Also there's more than a little lingering childhood nostalgia for Epyx's Games series for the Commodore 64. I competed under the name Sinz Rut, usually under the Norwegian flag or sometimes the Canadian. My obsession with Canada was only nascent, but my obsession with flags and geography was coming into full bloom. In fact, it was probably fed by the Olympics. I wanted to know what country every flag belonged to and where that country could be placed on this spinning oblate spheroid of ours that we call Earth.
I remember checking the newspaper every day to get the medal count and trying to decide if it was it more important to win the most medals or most golds?
I think the experience is somewhat diminished with there being somewhere between 5 and 200 channels airing Olympic coverage at any given time. As a kid, when there was only one broadcast TV station to pay attention to, there was no worrying about FOMO. Just show me the Dream Team, maybe some sprinters, pole vaulters, and high jumpers and I was a happy camper.
Why else do I love the olympics? I think that this is the greatest sports photo of all time:
I know from the weather that it is decidedly not winter, but my favorite Olympic moment is Ester Ledecká winning the Super G in 2018 winter games. Call it recency bias, but her reaction upon winning is a perfect moment. The reaction of the presumptive winner when it happens is crushing. It was Jim McKay's intro to Wide World Sports. It is why I think I'll always be hoooked:
Is it possible to reform the Olympics and the IOC? To not displace and disappear locals that you don't want to show up on the TV broadcast? To not be painfully corrupt and bankrupting? Is it possible to enjoy the games and allow for the 95% who will only have their one opportunity for immortality every four years without the collateral damage? I want to believe it is.
I take the Fox Mulder position on so many issues.
In conclusion, if you've never watched Mary Carrillo's amazing badminton rant from the 2004 Athens Olympics, please watch it now.
(And I didn't even get to my Naomi Osaka take. Next time friends.)
The CBS SUNDAY MORNING POWER RANKINGS
1) Mo Rocca*
Mo got "plus"-ed in the show introduction. There was no teaser in the intro, nor even a mention of his segment's topic. After teasing all the so-called important stories this week, it was "plus Mo Rocca, Steve Hartman, and more." It's hard to make a dent in the rankings when the show itself slots you in a single rung above "and more". ("and more" used to mean Sunday Almanac, but I should really let bygones be bygones.)
Mo's three minute segment is a brief profile of Lonnie Johnson, a former NASA engineer and inventor of the Super Soaker squirt gun. My dad's two favorite things in this world are space and water guns.
Someone carve a statue of Lonnie Johnson and erect right on my parent's lawn.
*Upon further review this segment originally aired in 2017. Quite frankly, we here at the committee feel deceived. While the "plus"-ing of Mo now makes more sense, we must allow for a period of deliberation to decide whether Mo was actually eligible for the rankings much less the top spot.
2) David Pogue
Pogue give us the ultimate summer profile - Coney Island, NY. Disneyland for the freaks and outsiders. Cincinnati has a park called Coney Island. Founded in 1867 by apple farmer James Parker, it was was renamed "Ohio Grove, Coney Island of the West" in 1886 as a marketing ploy before it was just shamelessly shortened to Coney Island. My Dad's company picnic was held at Coney Island every July, except for one year when it was held at "The Beach" water park (right across from the Island...) which is just not the same.
Anyway, the attractions and rides within our Coney Island has waxed and waned over the last 150 years or so. In 1977 the wanted to relocate the park to somewhere less flood prone and so the most of the rides that existed were moved about 25 miles north and became the seed of what is no Kings Island - located by Kings Mills, Ohio - a former company town run by the Kings Powder Company that made ammunition and polluted the surrounding area. Kings Island is essentially a portmanteau of its original home and its new home. There is no actual Island at either location. Today, our Coney is pretty much just a water park and a paddle boat pond. It used to have rides and putt putt, but I don't see the point anymore since the Zoom Flume came down in 2008. Although they still use the grounds for fireworks, hot air balloon shows, and a Christmas light extravaganza.
None of this has anything to do David's segment other than the common name and what it means to tap into the heart of summer fun.
Coney Island New York is it's own thing. It's not an amusement park per se. What I gather from the segment is that all the rides and boardwalk shops and attractions are individually owned an operated so you get this really weird mishmash of stuff that's thrown together. I smiled throughout, buoyed by the idea of a non-corporate mermaid parade - like I said Disneyland for the freaks and outsiders. Is it good, is it bad, is it fun? The answer is that it's New York! And that probably answers any other questions you may have.
Also the July 4th Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest is disgusting and beautiful(?). Competitive reached its zenith in February 12, 2002. I was a senior in high school and for one evening, I was riveted by The Glutton Bowl. I saw a Ukrainian man eat 5 pounds of mayonnaise. To this day, I'm the only person I know who's seen it. Drop me a line if you recall this momentous event. If you haven't, watch at your own risk.
Teichner got knocked out the top spot by a 4 year old segment and then by Coney Island. How does Martha feel at being denied here rightful place at the top? I daresay Martha does not concern herself with such things, floating far above the madding crowd of New York. Martha introduces us to another New York Island - Little Island. A $250 million dollar park/art installation built by a billionaire. Could the money have been used in better ways? I gotta say, I like this a lot more than using it to launch them into space. Anyway, you should watch the segment. It's classic Teichner - art/architecture/whimsy.
I would pay good money to hang out in the studio where Martha records the narration for her segments and/or records her audiobooks.
4) Tracy Smith
Tracy lands in the top half thanks to Geena Davis. Although not mentioned, Geena Davis is in Mensa. It's kind of an elitist jerk move to just casually drop that though. It's like saying, "Well, I went to Hah-vahd." Just take it as a given that she is very smart, which probably works against her in Hollywood. That, and being a woman over 40 as The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media would point out.
Tracy Smith has a conversation with Geena Davis about something other than men? Sunday morning just passed the Bechdel test! I thought Geena Davis consciously chose to start working less, but she makes it clear in the interview that is not the case. It's gotta suck to have a section in your Wikipedia entry called "Career Downturn".
Anyway Geena, I'm a big fan. Never saw Thelma and Louise, but I feel like I need to. Same goes for The Long Kiss Goodnight, which Samuel L. Jackson has maintained for 25 years is the best movie he ever made. I was a fan of the Netflix show Glow and you were a nice addition to the third season. I'm sure you brought a lot of lived experience to that role. But I'll always remember you best for A League of Their Own. One of my favorite movies and one of the top 5 sports movies of all time. Joe Posnanski covers this way better than I could.
5) Assateague Island, Jackie Mason (tie)
Ah... the swimming ponies of the Chincoteague and the Assateague are a favorite punching bag of Tony Kornheiser. They seem quite pleasant though. I think think the joke is directed more at the people who won't shut up about them. It seems like it would be a pleasant place to visit, aside from being nigh impossible to actually reach.
RIP Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky:
Are we sure that Wolf Trap isn't the name of a 70's heavy metal band? What's that? I'm thinking of Wolfmother? I really don't think so...
National Parks are cool.
Live performances are cool.
The outdoors are cool.
Wolf Trap is a cool name.
The whole scene is very cool. I dig it.
Connor Knighton's hair is luxurious. If he ever man-buns it, I will die a little inside.
7) Faith Salie
Something's wrong when an art segment falls out of the top half. Chances are that after an official review, the Mo Rocca segment falls to 6 and everything else bumps up a spot. I can't say why this art segment didn't grab me the way such segment usually do. I'm not anti-feminist, or anti-nudity, or anti- feminist nudity. Alice Neel's work seems worth knowing. So watch the segment if you want to learn more about her work
I think the committee gave a deduction for the describing Alice Neel's marriage to Carlos Enríquez as "brief and tragic" with no context. The statement just dangles there like a loose thread. Maybe it was right to keep the focus on the art, but then why mention it in the first place? If it's because it informed her art (and I'm pretty sure it did) you've gotta expound at least a little on it. According to Wikipedia, their first child died just before turning one. She had a second child with Enríquez, who took the child with him back to Cuba, leaving Neel alone in New York. Rough.
8) Lee Cowan
I've mentioned it before, but 11 years ago I had brain surgery to remove a cancerous tumor. I don't say this to garner sympathy, but just to explain that stories about cancer and brain injury/disease sometimes hit a little close to home for me. I remember going to see the movie Lucy - a movie by Luc Besson (not his best) with the premise that Scarlett Johansson's character becomes all powerful after unlocking the full potential of the human brain because of the myth that we only use like 10% of it or whatever. It was basically a bonkers ripoff of Limitless.
Well you know, I'm not doctor, but I've had a certain percentage of my brain removed. I'm pretty sure the "unused" portion of the brain is all about redundancy. You know, always make sure to backup your hard drive. I was a little scared when I woke up and couldn't move my legs or feel my feet, but some neurons starts to get rerouted or whatever and it was functional within a week. Mostly back to normal a few months later. Although there is some permanent loss of feeling and dexterity in my left hand.
Which is to say, I can't imagine what surviving locked in syndrome could do to a person. I can't imagine the tubes and needles and not being able to express the pain you are in. I'd say it's a miracle J
9) Jon LaPook
When my brother drives somewhere, the first thing he does plug the destination into the GPS even if it somewhere he's been one hundred times before. I guess to check the traffic. I usually try to check the traffic before going, but then leave the GPS off. For one it drains the phone battery. Two, I like trying to see if I can remember the directions. We've been over this before, but I miss physical maps. Anyway, would I be good at navigating? I doubt I'm one of these navigational savants mentioned in LaPook's segment, but whenever I go for a bike ride, whether it's 20 miles or 100 miles, I sometimes just make it up and try to find my way back. It's not that hard. I know when I get lost or turned around. Then, and only then, do I pull out my phone to check where I am. It's actually mildly thrilling when I recognize a landmark.
I want to be in the study that tells you how good you are at navigating/recognizing landmarks. I'm going to guess I'm 80th percentile. Reasonably good, but not off the charts.
Also, interesting tidbit that we have grid cells in our brain specifically for spatial relationships and mapping. Maybe this has something to do with being good at math.
10) Steve Hartman
I'm a runner-ish, but I don't have a dog, and thus do not run with my dog. I also suspect I radiate anti-social vibes. Maybe that's not true - I try my best to wave at everyone in the neighborhood, but I am an introvert.
I highly doubt a little girl is going to invite me into her recently passed father's visitation during one of my runs. I'm not sure I could say yes.
Lord, grant me the strength to not take the easy way out.
__________
Somehow Jane Pauley got left off the list because of Mo Rocca controversy. There will be an inquiry in coming weeks.
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